Is Premarital Sex Really that Bad?

June 28, 2011 at 9:47 am | Posted in Marriage, Wisdom | 1 Comment

For years I’ve preached about its woes, and for years Cathy and I have told couples in counseling about its dangers.  So is premarital sex really that bad?

Two recent articles have shed some interesting light on this topic.  The first one is not new but has recently come to my attention.  It is written by Willard Harley, best selling author of His Needs, Her Needs.  I have said one reason to avoid premarital sex is that the biggest predicting factor in divorce is sex before marriage, and it’s just the opposite of what the media would report.  Couples that sleep together before marriage are way more likely to divorce than those who don’t.  Dr. Harley’s article confirms this and sites numerous studies that have demonstrated it.  Be sure to check the second part of the article, a link at the end called “Next letter” to see the studies.  Here’s the link to the first part:  http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5025_qa.html

The second article was just in the news recently.  In it Dannah Gresh, author of What Are You Waiting For: The One Thing No One Ever Tells You About Sex, talks about the chemical reaction sex has in our bodies and how that can cause problems in the casual “hook up” scene and with long-term relationships later on.  Among other things, she sites a study showing that young people who have sex before marriage are more likely to suffer depression and attempt suicide.  Here’s the link to her article:  http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/05/31/my-take-there%E2%80%99s-nothing-brief-about-a-hookup/?iref=obinsite

What I find interesting is that neither of these articles even mention another reason to abstain before marriage – the trust factor.  Couples who have sex before they are married will inevitably have a trust breakdown later in the relationship.  There is a reason for this, but I won’t take time to write about it now.  The breakdown of the trust factor can be overcome, but the marriage will take a lot more work than it should.  It’s easier just to wait.

Of course the biggest reason to abstain from sex outside of marriage is that God tell us to.  These studies just prove he knew thousands of years ago what’s best for us.  The fences of sexual morality that God places around us are not prison fences to keep us from fun, but zoo fences to keep us safe while we fully enjoy his creation.

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  1. I wrote this blog four years ago, and more and more studies continue to confirm what it says. Here’s a link to an article by Focus on the Family that lists the greatest risk factors for divorce, and cites studies to support it. Guess what tops the list!

    http://media.focusonthefamily.com/fotf/pdf/about-us/focus-findings/actual-divorce-rate.pdf?_ga=1.154447103.630591570.1411658239

    Blessings,
    Pastor Glenn


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